EDitorial ± 13-Jun-2006

World Cup 2006, Day 5

Lunchtime footy saw our Ghana-like side take on some Italianate opposition. Level at halftime under the blazing Frankfurt (I mean Martlesham) sun, then our tactical naivety came to fruition as we crumbled to a 17-11, or thereabouts, defeat.

Busy & sweaty pm meant only the odd view of the Beeb's web coverage. They saw fit to actually publish what Gordon Strachan said at half-time, as Togo boldly took an unexpected lead, that South Korea were a shadow of their former semi-final selves. All too predictable then that this disparate outfit of Parks, Lees and Kims would come back to win.

Despite two compulsory Chelsea chaps (Gallas and Claude "Formby" Makelele) and Va Va Voom Henry and Zebedee Zidane, La France were less than magnifique and perhaps should have lost to Switzerland, the favourite team for neutral supporters. Great chance for Team Toblerone in the dying secs as Frei, imagining himself in a Fantasy Football reconstruction, tried and failed to emulate The Hand Of God, punching the ball wide. D'oh!

Past few days have seen me grilling (more reliable than BBQ-ing) Middler with her World Cup spellings, tricky ones out of the 32 being Tunisia and Croatia. So v. pleased to learn that she got all of 'em correct today, earning herself two lousy stickers. At least they could have given her some free tickets or a day off.

Been salivating in antici ... pation over Brazil's entry into the comp; tonight's was a decaf display. Crotia are no pushovers, and it can't be easy playing a team wearing Halma boards: that's enough excuses. Found myself in the unorthodox position of agreeing with Mark Lawrenson, which can't be good. Kaka can certainly kick, and Cafu must have been on a Red Bull drip given his ceaseless runs, but Ronaldo and Adriano were both in cahoots and completely kaput. Ronaldinho had used up all his tricks filming Nike ads, and even lagged behind Prso in the ponytail parade. Must try harder.

And they didn't even have those designer-friendly lower-case names.