Second week of September al-bloomin'-ready and it's a hot one. Too hot to wear a long-sleeved cycling top -- poor decision on my part -- and far too hot to have a semi-serious 2-a-side kickaround at lunchtime. It follows that if indulging in outdoor sports isn't the cleverest idea, indulging in indoor sports is dumber still. What better night to start the 2009/2010 ping-pong season?

Not sure if it works to compare the BT Defiants team to Oasis. Nope, they've stopped completely, at least for now. Maybe The Who? Point is that the 2009 line-up intersects but is not equal to the 2008 line-up. Certain members, with good reason, have been reluctant to commit this time around, and that's put our winter tour of minor UK colleges in jeopardy. Having placed a small ad in the back of the Melody Maker, we ended up siging a new bass player in the guise of Rene -- Willkommen! I know who we most closely resemble: Metallica.

Up at a sticky Ransomes Sports Club tonight, and it doesn't go exactly to plan. We all come unstuck against Bob, who's evidently using up his entire year's supply of nets and edges in one match. I manage to get past the other two, including ever-awkward Brian, but Andy has an absolute mare and cannot play the simplest shot. One to forget for Mr C.

Thank goodness, then, for debutant Rene, landing us a point in his Bondi blue sleeveless top. Later, in a fashion first for the Defiants, he changed into a Bond Bug orange top. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough to see us through the doubles.