And they're off. Page 18 of this year's Coventry blue TT handbook clearly shows the occasionally conquering BT Defiants -- us -- in division 2 of the Ipswich & District League, our highest placing ever. Grab some cotton wool, it's nosebleed time. Aiming realistically, let's try to stay up.

In an attempt to get in the pre-match zone, I donned my Rave T-shirt, grabbed a spotty banana and banged on some up-to-11 Queens Of The Stone Age. Also treated myself to a new 47p 500ml bottle of Co-op Fairbourne Springs water. With sports top, naturally. That lottery funding will kick in anyday now. No Arvind -- our Indian's done a runner -- leaving the cracked line-up of Andy, Kev and me. Plus Grenvyle when he's not on dialysis.

Britannia Dome tonight against a team who, apparently, should have been relegated. Rusty nervy start for me against their young lady before my spin prevailed. Kev came unstuck playing big Paul, leaving me to do battle with Vlad: scraped through that one too, somehow. Half eight, must be time for Andy to turn up .. who promptly pulled something he shouldn't and spent the rest of the evening hobbling around awkwardly, doing a fair impersonation of our fourth player.

Luckily, left-handed Paul caved in against both Andy and me, even playing the odd right-handed shot. Kev went 2-0 up on Nic and lost the next three; she also outflexed Andy over five ends. And me/Kev turned in a dreadful doubles. Going down 6-4 to low ranked opposition wasn't quite the dream start. Quoting D:Ream, Things Can Only Get Better.