It's fair to say I've got a sweet tooth. Had one as a kid, and I suppose I expected it to lessen as I got older, but cakes & sweets still hold a huge appeal. Maybe I should redeem myself by telling you about my incredibly refined palate, describing my fondness for the finest fruit sorbets and super rich chocolate mousse. But that would be a monster fib. Especially as I've just tidied off a 2-day old Tesco large sugar doughnut. Yum.

What I like are cheap sugary thrills. For instance: one Christmas present I was lucky enough to receive exactly three weeks ago (thank you, Bentleys) was a cash-and-carry box of pink shrimps, a selection of which are pictured. Yep, those ones you've most likely not had since you were at junior school. Confectionery doesn't get much more artificial, or tasty, than a Barratt candy shrimp, in my view. Must have had about 20p worth the other night while I was washing up. Only stopped when my teeth started furring up. Truly a gift that keeps on giving.

A random selection of other calorie-and-additive filled favourites:

Marshmallow (any shape or form, provided it's in quantity):

My birthday present from the Bentleys was a box of Flumps, the unmistakable yellow and pink double helix, long since eaten up

Arctic roll:

Take a sheet of swiss roll, coat it with jam, then wrap it around a block of vanilla ice cream; tremendous

The Belgian bun:

Walloping Chelsea bun-type-thing covered with white icing; hugely popular in Ghent

If You Take Away With You Nothing Else
Fruit salad, blackjack, bazooka joe:

1. those Haribo bags: even I draw the line at sweet fried eggs
2. always floss after cleaning
3. you did go to the dentist in 2000, didn't you?

Be seeing you!

Ed