I'm no C. B. Fry -- though I was curious to see his name attached to HMS Gannet at Chatham last Easter -- but let us count the sports: (a) ping pong last night, (b) 4-a-side footy at lunchtime today, and (c) badminton this evening. I make that three in two days.

Developments afoot on the footy. We've had a weekly Mike Read runaround on a Tuesday lunchtime since Bobbysocks won Eurovision. Let me pitch you a picture of our pitch:

• pros -- free of charge, always available, next to changing rooms and a pebble's chuck from the office
• cons -- overgrown in parts, has goals without nets and barely discernible lines, and will give you a nasty chafing should you stumble

One of us tried to improve the state of the pitch by pointing out some of its shortcomings in an email to various contacts. Next we know, it's been shut! Swung by this morning to find a padlock and a printed (!) sign:

Multicourt Out Of Action -- Contact Sports Club Secretary

Nonetheless, the regulars turned out today, me thinking that we'd find a patch of grass to exercise our silky skills. Then someone suggested that we could probably still use the pitch .. so we sneaked in round the fence, picked teams, and off we went.

Thirty minutes later, bloke on a bike stops by and points out that we really shouldn't be there: didn't you read the sign? Suddenly, we were all aged ten again, being told off by the local parky or cycling policeman.