How best to sum up tonight's ping-pong "performance"?

Well, it was so poor that there's already talk of a Make Defiants History campaign, in which Chris Martin and Desmond Douglas will:

• issue a white plastic band stamped "No Whitewash",
• and release a charity single in aid of the team, provisionally entitled Dig In

It comes to something when Grenvyle was just one lousy net/edge away from scoring (what would have been) our only point of the night. Must try harder.