Did you know that Euro 2008 has an official slogan? It's this: Expect Emotions. No shortage of those tonight as One Nation plonked its bum down on its most comfortable footy viewing sofa to watch Ingerland breeze through. Israel had somehow defeated Russia. Surely we, the inventors of the game, could scrape a draw against chequered Croatia?

That noise around 8:08pm was the collective dropping of men's jaws as our goalie executed a perfect playground swipe and miss. Poor Scott Carson. He's from Whitehaven, you know: isn't just the analogue TV they've switched off up there.

As Steve "Won't Resign" McClaren collected rainwater in an Evian bottle, further disbelief as one blue shirted chap ran between five white shirted chaps to make it nil-two. They deserved it: their fans had the better hats.

They were boo-ed off at half time in this household. The Boy happily joined in, calling them Pie Men for no good reason. Then the comeback. A debatable penalty and a delightful Beckham/Crouch effort. Phew, 2-2, we can all sit back now. Time for another sub: why did Peter Crouch? 'Cos he saw Darren Bent.

Fresh legs, that'll make the difference. Certainly did as the Croatian sub struck a sweet shot. As the ball sailed into the net, the hoardings displayed an ad for the FA: Got The Skills?, it read. They have, we haven't, game over.