Day 4 of 2008. Take A12/A14/A154 to Felix's Toe, where we'll stop, only me and the driver know. Doesn't really work, that. Plenty of free spots on the front, a pebble's throw from the out-of-season boating lake and crazy golf. Seaside resorts in January: someone should write a book.

Meantime, past The Corner House Cafe (apparently closed on Fridays in winter) and over the foot of South Hill, the one that's home to Martello Tower Q -- used to serve refreshments not so long ago but now a private residence. Nestled snugly at the bottom of the hill is The Conservatory (see map). It's a cafe & tea shop, proclaim two appropriately ampersand-ed and accented signs outside.

Had the pick of the seating so opted for cushion corner, the big window seat, yielding a fine view of the leisure centre's brick wall. Andy pointed out a disturbing logo on the front of the menu: appeared to be a hand emerging from an oversized cup -- and I was not waving, but drowning -- though probably meant to be a cartoon milk splash.

Hard working waitress, cook and bottle-washer delivered our pretty good milkshakes (quick test: straw stands up on its own) and bagels. For me, a Rhode Island, aka a tuna melt, for him, a Manhattan, with scrambled egg and bacon. Enjoyed mine a lot: filling and warming. Points deducted for absence of newspapers and badly spellchecked menu: three Ts and an E in Andy's bagel's name. Place beginning to fill up with still just the one poor girl doing the lot, so didn't test the coffee machine. Yummy takeaway biscuit slice.

If it was a car -- VW Polo.
If they were passing by -- Anne Kirkbride.