Another sunny Dimanche, and off to the supermarche that's closest to The Boy's pirate party -- same friend, now one year older -- so drop him off in his barely-trying skull T-shirt and past the decrepit doughnut factory to Asda (always in the singular).

Struck by the clothing that seems to intrude ever further into a foyer that's already crammed with hot cross buns, flowers and 6-for-4 rolls of Bounty. Into the non-food area, where the margins are higher, and into the trolley goes a Blue Admiral, size 5, made in Pakistan, guaranteed hand sewn, natch. Buying a £2.74 (!) football for the weekly Tuesday lunchtime kickabout; last week's bladder got booted skywards, bounced on the sports hall roof, then got stuck in the gutter.

Advancing left, dairy items: a single Healthy Options yoghurt, made by Gerd Muller himself, is 38p. Current offer: five for a quid, making it cheaper to buy a fistful than four or even three. Compare a bottle of tonic water, 32p on its lonesome, or three for 90p. Wildly uneven savings to be had, appealing to my head-for-numbers.

Curious too that other specials aren't shouted on the rooftops, like the very low-key Heinz Beanz multipack of four for a pound (I nabbed two), or full size bottles of Shloer for only 88p.

Thus envisaged scoring couple of brownie points once home, not only for my thriftiness but for purchasing the right kind of free range eggs, smoked streaky, et cetera. I should have realised that on such a trip, marks can only be deducted for inappropriate items. You bought boned chicken thighs? Those bagels look a bit dry. Why so big a bag of spuds? This mince isn't organic. You get the picture.

Every little helps: no, that's the other one.