Hot enough for ya? Must be nearing the end of this Indian summer, a name that my Bangalore colleagues find highly amusing: 25 deg here, 40 deg there. This heat, as those 80s ladies said, has got right out of hand.

Me and the Brompton Boy again, those blokes with spokes. Off in the general direction of that Woodbridge and tack right by the Tide Mill near the wallet-busting Waterfront Cafe. This way, says Andy, and we're onto a riverside path with boats to the right of 'em, boats to the left. Feeling like Nick Leeson, my Barings have collapsed. Aha, behold the Wilford Bridge: it's got stile. Now to double back for Poppy's Panty Wholefood and Eco Store. They're always open ... but not today, alas.

Ideas above their station: that's our fallback. Retreat 400m to Melton Station, home of the fab Five Winds smokehouse and butchery. Known for miles around for meat of the raw variety, let's hope they have some ready cooked. Sign outside promises their "famous sausage roll". One of those, please, plus a pork pie, and a small selection of olives, my good man. All very Woodbridge. With a Barr's Cream Soda on the side. Sor-ted.

Not overly picturesque on the Wilford Bridge Road by the industrial estate, so another brief ride -- and a minor run-in with an irate motorist by the Red Lion -- takes us into stately Elmhurst Park. Think we were last here on official light lunch duty after a trip to the Sandwich Shop with Grenvyle. And there we sat, on a sunny bench, greatly enjoying our fine comestibles (best ever sausage roll) like two poor Yorkshiremen.

• website -- Five Winds Farm

If it was a car -- Maserati Mistral.
If they were passing by -- John Kettley.