Seen that goose lately? Has let himself go, I'd say. Must be that Christmas is a-coming. What should have been the grand end-of-year outing to a top light lunch location has come unstuck like a present wrapped with Poundland sellotape. Kev's cried off leaving me and chauffeur Andy to amuse ourselves.

Probably best to avoid Ipswich town centre with less than five shopping days left hence we're cruising the Greenwich badlands in the BlueMotion. Right into The Drift, I suggest. Going at a speed that would embarrass a kerb-crawler, we spy a welcome sign outside Signs R Us (clue's in the name). Can we reserve a table? shouts Andy to the Munchies guy in the burger van. Sure, he says, if you can find one. Shockingly, contrary to our very own guidelines, there ain't no seating. Some flexible rulers are made to be broken.

Friendly chap heads to this particular pitch most days from Harwich. Less choice today since he's winding down for the festive season. Last chicken burger's just gone, fellas. Happy to settle for breakfast baps with bacon and egg, Andy opting for mushrooms too, such is the Woodbridge way. While we're waiting for our freshly prep-ed goodies, a steady stream of yer actual workers turn up for toasties. We fit in, perfectly, then take our savoury packages to the comparative warmth of Andy's motor. Quite the view of a distant warehouse.

One course down, time for middle-aged treats opposite nearby Waitrose at ubiquitous Costa. More rammed than the Baseball Ground. Pretty decent flat white and a generous slice of calorific shimmer cake to end the light lunch year. All good. Have a good 'un!

If it was a car -- (it pretty much is a car).
If they were passing by -- James Corden.