Day of the big TT match, half-term and Andy has a wizard wheeze: let's meet up for high tea before the game. That boy's still got it. But first, to square the circle and find somewhere (a) not already done, (b) still open early evening and (c) located in the right part of town. Lightbulb!

With courtesies already extended to Messrs Asda, Sainsbury and Tesco, let's add to our supermarket sweep and swing by Sproughton Road to Morrison's. Plenty of parking on the former site of Solar Superstore. Pick a set of doors and it's left at the loos.

We're a bit baffled by the "place your orders here" desk, 'cos there's nobody around. Onwards, ever onwards, we're waved through to the lady at the till to make our selections. Rene is content with two-for-one pastries, Andy goes for a Ritz-style sandwich and scone, leaving me for something warming. Not quite up to a curry, I'll have the trad bangers and mash, plus fresh OJ. Maybe the juice is invisible since there seems to be no charge: ah, buy a meal and the drink is free. Bargain at £3.39. Could have claimed a free kid's meal too. Double bubble. At these prices, I'm surprised there aren't more people here, but that could be half-term talking.

Sat down, sipping my juice and a plate of sausages lightspeeds before my eyes. That'll be Usain Bolt finishing his shift in the kitchen. Fortunate that an athlete such as myself can easily metabolise three bangers (plus mash, plus peas, plus gravy) less than an hour before a major sporting event. Not so sure about my colleagues, both 2012 hopefuls. Andy's overly intrigued by the under-table tray storage, perhaps spotting another tech patent possibility.

To complete this late light lunch, I sprint back to the till for the pudding du jour, treacle sponge & custard. Too late! No more hot food after 7pm! Or maybe they're looking out for me. Ne'er mind, I'll take that wodge of cherry cake instead and a cuppa (woeful) coffee. There we go, pre-match nutrition as recommended by Jack Black.

If it was a car -- Morris Ital.
If they were passing by -- Nick Hancock.