No transport today and not much time, either. Whither shall we wander? In such circumstances, where would the man on the Clapham omnibus dine? Step out the back (front, actually), brisk sub-five minute walk, then hop on the bus, Andy. Don't need to discuss much.

England could still qualify for Euro 2008 when we last beat a path to the Bus Cafe. Same location but new owner and brand new branding for 2012 -- the Holeshot Cafe. Up the stairs and slide the door to reveal a classic retro diner style interior, all checkerboard floor and red seating. Busy builders' day, Friday, says the fella behind the counter: rush now over. What'll it be, gents?

Stylish (motocross?) menu lists burgers -- rookie, hacker or pro -- chicken breast, however you want it, or the inevitable (and Light Lunch favourite) breakfast baps. Half English for Andy, a plentiful plate with toast and tea, and BLT Bad Boy for me, a big ol' bap bustin' with flavour. Plus some freshly chopped red onion, doncha know. Locally sourced grub, too.

That Steve chap doesn't half get around according to the photos on the wall, whether he's instructing Gordon Ramsay, advising Barack Obama or chilling with Gandhi. All that hanging out with celebs leaves no time for baking, so it's a KitKat and coffee for dessert. Says the menu, "Eat the best. Be the best." You'd do well to stop at the bus.

If it was a car -- Leyland National.
If they were passing by -- Delia Smith.