Sports day for the kidlets at the posh school, so naturally it was tipping it down outside. Inside the Waterfront Cafe, though, everything was sweetness and light once we'd passed the automatic credit check at the door. After all, as the menu points out, "between noon and 3pm there's a minimum spend of £5.95 per head". Glance again at the menu and you'll realise how straightforward this is: one cold drink and a piece of cake will get you most of the way there.

That "cafe" label is mighty misleading. You wouldn't hesitate to call its unpretentious near-neighbour, the Caravan Cafe, a caff (double eff), but this granary-housed eatery by the Tide Mill (see map) is really a restaurant with "an extensive and sophisticated wine list", complete with piped modern jazz.

Definitely not the place for a quick toasty washed down with a cuppa, the "cafe" (emphasise that acute accent) is an offshoot of The Woodbridge Fine Food Company in town, the deli that's well known for its pies and lack of browsing space.

As you'd hope, service is top notch -- one of our party was late, you'll never guess which one, so the waitress purposely delayed our orders -- and the food is none too shabby either. My oven-baked sardines with baby vine tomatoes (ding! minimum spend reached) were a cut above. Accompanying Luscombe ginger beer was half-decent too, featuring those ubiquitous Sicilian lemons.

If you thought the savoury was good, try the pudd. Their scone with jam and cream would shame a National Trust tea-room, it was that scrumptious. Like us, just be sure that you visit on payday.

Website: The Waterfront Cafe.

If it was a car -- BMW X5.
If they were passing by -- Hugh Grant.