A blustery day and we easily found a spot on the front, for free, adjacent to a deserted pay-and-display car park. Being loo-cal, I remember when that same patch of tarmac was a putting green. In fact, I remember when this was all fields, zzz. Back in 2007 and a short stroll to (the) Regal -- as ever, see map. Note to Boyton Boy: just checked and Regal isn't on the map yet!

Someone must love that old Del Boy van 'cos you can choose from:

• Regal Coffee Xpress
• Regal Casino
• Regal Rhubarb Growers
• Regal Fitness Suite
• (please ignore one of the above)

Straight ahead for the slots, take a left for the cafe. Ooh, newspapers and a cash machine. Light 'n' bright 'n' clean and a sea view from the window seats. Place feels like an early Madonna single, shiny & new. Not a world of choice but that's no bad thing: sometimes less is more. No waitress service here, no sirree, this is the new millennium. Stroll up to the counter and place your order, then sit down and wait. Takes the awkwardness out of attempting to catch someone's eye, anyway.

My strawberry milkshake had been flown in from Ice Station Zebra. Could feel my head slowly shutting down as I inhaled the frozen particles. Brrr. Freshly made filled baguette was fine if unremarkable.

Hastily and tastily consumed toasted & buttered teacake, accompanied by a weakish latte to go. Resisted chance to (a) throw away some hard-earned in the casino and (b) drop some calories in the health club. Bloke by the door endeavouring to fix cash machine as we left. He might still be there now.

If it was a car -- Skoda Felicia.
If they were passing by -- Nicholas Lyndhurst.