Shockingly I missed an EDitorial last week: the shame! This was reason enough for two people to enquire after my health, which was nice. So let me plead illness as grounds for failing to hit the self-imposed weekly deadline.

My heart is heavy - my head is confused
And my aching little soul - has started burning blue
— The The, Infected

One night last week - I can't be more vague - the boy, now aged two-and-a-bit, stirred in his sleep. Bringing him into bed, he put his hand on his belly, said "sore", then added "poo". I did the AA inspection, but he was all clean in the undercarriage area. Again, "poo", said the boy, now crying, and he wouldn't lie down. Then, a few minutes later, standing by the bed, came a noise that should have been recorded for posterity (did you see what I did there?). This was the sound of a young boy's bowels evacuating at full speed, a turbo-powered motion, a movement of symphonic proportions. You had to be there, but be mighty glad that you weren't. He was nearly giggling with the sheer relief.

As a family, you have to learn to share, so there was a certain air of inevitability when I finally succumbed towards the end of the week (by this time 66% of the kids were largely over it, and the other 33% was off school today). Praise be to whoever said that we needed a downstairs loo.

If You Take Away With You Nothing Else

Other highly amusing terms for a bum deal:

1. Delhi Belly: friend of mine had a genuine case on his Indian hols
2. Aztec Two-Step
3. Lanzarote Botty
4. Acapulco Splash: remember the cliff diving on World of Sport?

Be seeing you!

Ed