Last season, Defiants had finished comfortably top of div 3; tonight's opponents, Rosary Yellow, nee Norbridge Mallards (keep up), had finished comfortably bottom of div 1. We'd gone up, they'd come down, so this season finds us both trying to find our be-trainer-ed feet in div 2. Have to say I wasn't optimistic: they'd walloped us when last we played. Don't think I got a single point off 'em.

Pleasing, then, to go 2-0 up, Red Bull Rob deucing past Ardal O'Hanlon while Andy out-battered Ol' Bob. Up to me, sadly, to let the side down -- in a game between a Broom and a Heath, the latter had the 'edge. Only then did my experimental Lucozade Citrus Fruit Hydro Active kick in, hydrating me to an unlikely victory against out-of-form Ardal and hypotonically inducing an even-less-likely win against Sideburns Bob. Possibly the sips of fiery Jamaican Ginger Beer and the smell of fried chicken helped too.

Bob robbed Rob, leaving the coruscating Cassy to cruise to his first maximum of the season and guarantee his coveted place in the doubles. I nominated myself as his partner and we strode to our first pairs win of the year. That means we've played 5, for 25, against 25: we're mean, median and mode. We'll more than settle for mid-table mediocrity.