Stephanie!, cried the cute robot in Short Circuit. Malfunction. Need input. Stephanies, say more than one website when asked about the possible location of a cafe on the eastern edge of Ipswich. Not on the Boss Hall built-up area off Sproughton Road like what I thought -- no sir -- but further on, Peter Pan, past Morrison's, under the railway bridge and right at, er, the VW garage.

Farthing Road and further in about as far as you can go. Here's the delightfully named Penny Corner Cafe. You may picture a bustling intersection on a busy high street, perhaps a quaint teashop with green and white awnings. Not so. Concrete. Units. Rainbow International. Lorries. Men in vans collecting their paper bag savouries. We're a long way from Woodbridge, Toto.

No doubt, it would feel very welcoming of a chilly November day, but today it's mild and feels clammy inside. Quite a few tables in here (which wouldn't look out of place in the Commmon Room) with a galaxy of newspapers to peruse, namely the Sun and the Star. There's ads offering asbestos clearance and, up there above the drinks fridge, Bully's star prize of a topless calendar. Oh yes. You wouldn't blink if that bloke ahead of you in the queue turned out to be DCI Gene Hunt.

On the menu today is "lasagna and chips", steak and kidney pie and every mathematical permutation of an A.D.B. Lady apparently single-handedly running the place is perfectly pleasant and preps my French stick with bacon and egg double quick time. That is some skilled griddle work going on there. She's worked here a goodly while for various owners but even she can't recall Stephanie, long since gone. Thumbs up for the blood orange JuiceBurst, while we're here.

Here's Andy in his motor. I'm arrived on two wheels and am now taking in the glorious view of Castlebroom Engineering directly opposite. I've got the wonky table (with ashtray). Andy's served similarly quickly and we both tuck in to our manly manwiches, trying not to look too much out of place. Rounding off this jolly excursion, it's a nip back inside for an OK instant coffee and a pre-packed Bakewell tart. Proud to say we've survived both the Penny Lane Cafe, complete with accent, and the Dock Services.

If it was a car -- Vauxhall Combo.
If they were passing by -- Dean Andrews.