Andy's not so chop-chop-busy-busy, Kev's not bowling and I, comme toujours, am free as Harrison's bird. Omens are ominous, then, for a triplets trip out, a rare event recently. Hold up, lads. Kev knows the perfect spot in his very own stomping ground.

Storks and Trolls are currently showing at the Palace Cinema -- must be half-term -- plus Dr Strange and Daniel Blake. Summat for everyone, much like the over-extensive menu of blue & berry. Get them with their faulty shift key. Aspirational as they clearly are, those cluttered menus still bear the imprint of The Triangle (ex-Froffee Coffee). Odd when they've gone to a lot of trouble to step up a league.

Lower part of the menu contains something to behold, a complex matrix covering every combination of sandwich and doorstep and jacket cross-referenced against all possible fillings. In the near future, such a feature might be better rendered in 3D. Think I was the only one of us to order from Neo-land with my simple request for a BLT. White, wholemeal or granary? Granary, please. Is that the one with bits? Yes, it is the one with bits. Sarnie was perfectly fine with scattered red onion and a light throw of Doritos. Kev would have liked his pumpkin soup to be a tad more chillied, apparently.

Not sure if it's a new thing for these premises to be licensed but we could have had a cheeky glass of white. There's WiFi and a telly showing the news and a plethora of chopping boards pinned to the wall. As you do. Still time for Americanos all round with some slabs of apple & caramel stroke carrot cake to completely wodge us up. No challenge to The Oaks but perfectly OK.

If it was a car -- Volkswagen Polo BlueMotion.
If they were passing by -- Lee Ryan.